


A clear path

by tothetrashwhereibelong



Series: day-to-day polycule fun [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexual Raphael Santiago, Catholic Guilt, Daylighter Raphael Santiago, F/F, F/M, For the first time, Lesbian Clary Fray, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, Other, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Raphael Santiago Has Feelings, Raphael Santiago Is Still A Vampire, That's it, and him and simon bond, it's not overly explored but just a quick reminder that raphael is asexual and touch-aversed, look basically Raphael accompanies meliorn to game night, nonbinary meliorn, polyamori - Freeform, polycule, polycule game night, set a few years in the future. like 5 or so don't question me, they/them!meliorn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21674239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothetrashwhereibelong/pseuds/tothetrashwhereibelong
Summary: It's Raphael's first time going to what Meliorn has dubbed "polycule game night". Just him, his partner, his partner's girlfriend, her girlfriends, and one of her girlfriend's boyfriend.One of these may have some things to say to him.(can be read as a standalone)
Relationships: Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood/Maia Roberts (background), Isabelle Lightwood/Meliorn (background), Meliorn/Raphael Santiago, Raphael Santiago/Simon Lewis (implied), Simon Lewis/Maia Roberts (background), basically it's a huge polycule
Series: day-to-day polycule fun [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562488
Comments: 12
Kudos: 44





	A clear path

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aurora_chiroptera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurora_chiroptera/gifts).



> english is not my first language so let me know if there are any mistakes etc
> 
> also PLEASE leave a comment, it really helps keep me motivated and i know this will attract only a few ppl anyway diuahsda
> 
> thank you aurora for coming to hell with me for this ship and motivating me to write these

It doesn’t feel weird.

It feels _supremely_ weird.

Not their whole - thing. He doesn’t even mind seeing Meliorn flirt with Isabelle, or blink an eye when he sees Maia give Clary a kiss on the cheek and immediately give Simon another. He’s a vampire hanging out with faeries, werewolves and demon-hunters, what’s six people who are all in relationships with each other?

 _He_ is the one who's weird.

He hasn’t been surrounded by this many people in - ever. Even in his clan, he mostly kept to the sidelines, focused on his plans, the war, making sure everyone was safe and okay. He hasn’t allowed himself to indulge in “hanging out” with anyone, let alone such a mixed group, with a lot of people he doesn’t know.

He’s on the couch, watching everyone, taking a sip of his bloody Mary - minus the Mary - and soaking in their dynamics. He doesn’t feel like an invader, but he doesn’t feel like an insider, either.

Maybe it’s just because it’s his first time.

“You okay in there?”

He looks up at Simon, a little shocked. He wasn’t expecting to be - for the lack of a better word, noticed. Usually, when he sticks to the sidelines, people let him, and forget him in there.

Then again, Lewis has never been known for following protocol. 

“What?” he asks, when Raphael’s stunned silence stretches for too long.

(Well, too long for him, anyway. Simon doesn’t exactly have a good silence tolerance)

(Then again, maybe Raphael has too much)

“Nothing, I’m just shocked to hear you say such a short sentence,” he deadpans, taking another sip of his drink. It’s an instinctive kind of reaction, to try to get people to leave. He’s been cultivating walls between him and the world for a long time now.

Not that they ever work with Simon. “Oh, I’m just warming up. You made the mistake of answering me, so the rant can start at any minute. I even have a few options for you to pick out,” he says as he sits down besides Raphael, stretching his legs and draping his arm over the backrest. He’s not in Raphael’s space in any way, though, and he knows that’s deliberate. Simon overthinks even when he’s not paying attention to it. 

Raphael takes another sip of his drink, this time to hide his smile. “I see,” he says.

Simon smiles back at him, big and careless. “No, but really, are you okay? You’ve just been sitting here all night - I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that, you do you. If you’re happy with it that’s fine. I’m just not too sure you’re happy with it - you have that sour face going on - then again that’s just your usual face. Not in a bad way! It’s just that, well, you always look a little grumpy. Anyway. I guess what I’m trying to ask is, are you sitting here because you want to, or because you feel like you have to? If you just want to, I’ll totally leave, promise.” 

Raphael’s glass hovers midair, his hand stuck in a non-motion. This is the thing about Simon - if he had just asked if Raphael is okay, it would be easy to say yes. He _is_ okay. But then he feels the need to elaborate, and suddenly the question becomes much more complicated. Refined, even. And then the answer is not that simple anymore, because it’s not that easy to bypass.

It’s really annoying. 

Then again, it’s not like he needs to keep finding loopholes. He’s not a Seelie. He can lie.

He doesn’t. “I’m just getting used to it,” he says. “Too many people. I don’t know- how things work yet.” Then, because he can see the way Simon perks up, clearly about to tell him to get drunk so he can unwind or something equally crazy and stupid, “and I guess it’s weird to be here with my ex,” he adds.

That’s not a lie either. It wasn’t the most important thing on his mind, but seeing Isabelle does kind of struck a nerve. 

She has apologized for- everything that happened. A long time ago, too. 

It’s not that he holds a grudge, because he doesn’t. He knows he has his share of guilt for letting her drag him into it. He knows he has his own sins to look at before he can judge others.

 _You’re a good man,_ he remembers Meliorn saying to him all that time ago, when they were still acquaintances starting to cross the line to friends. _Way better than you think you are. These sacrifices, these battles you fight to prove your worth, they’re pointless. You will never atone to these sins, because you did not commit them._

It was so honest, so simple, that it took Raphael a while to even remember that Meliorn can’t physically lie. For one magical, miraculous moment, Raphael believed them fully, without a single reason other than that it felt right.

After that moment, it was all but obvious where they were going. The path to it had been long - taken years to complete, in fact - but it was strolled through, not fought. Somehow, Raphael didn’t even notice it happening until he had arrived here.

At game night with his partner, his partner’s girlfriend, her other girlfriends, and one of her girlfriend’s boyfriend. 

Maybe it is a little weird.

“You and Izzy have seen each other before,” Simon points out.

Raphael hums, lost in thought. “Yes. Many times. But not when she’s not a shadowhunter representative, or the head of the New York Institute, or a weapons master, or our ally. It’s been years since I’ve been in a room with just Isabelle,” he says, “and we share a partner, of all things.” He lets out a little laugh, although with years of practice it sounds more like a snicker. 

“You’re telling me? I have _two_ exes here, and they’re _both_ dating my partner,” Simon says dramatically, and still somehow not sounding serious in the least.

Raphael blinks. “You know, I hadn’t thought of that,” because he hadn’t. He always forgets about Simon’s - whatever it was - with Clary. Imagining her with any man is weird, but then again, he pretty much only got to know her after she came out. And Simon’s time with Isabelle was short-lived, even shorter than Raphael’s. 

“Well, now that you know it, I bet you can’t unsee,” Simon laughs. “Two entire partners other than me, and they’re my only two exes. Our dating pool is _seriously_ limited.” 

Raphael’s lips are twitching. “Well, Maia did have other options. I guess you were just unlucky,” he reasons.

“Me? Unlucky? Impossible,” Simon deadpans. “God has always worked in my favor, this is a well known fact.” 

Raphael tips his head a little bit, humoring him. “Then I suppose we’re just drawn to people with similar tastes.”

“Good line,” Meliorn says, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. They were right in front of Raphael the whole time, of course, but they have this way of making others feel like they made a dramatic entrance every time they speak. “Very smooth. Your courtship abilities have improved tremendously,” they finish.

Raphael chokes on himself. “What? I’m not _courting_ him,” he objects, as Simon himself has a similar immortal heart attack beside him.

“Yeah, no, definitely not courting,” he continues, “I don’t even think Raphael _can_ court anyone! I mean, not that he can’t, but I don’t think he’d try to. Well, but you two are dating, so there’s that, but I just kind of always assumed you were the one doing the courting - not that I’ve been thinking about you guy’s personal lives or anything! Really, I don’t want to know- well, not that you can’t talk about it, of course, I just-”

“I see. My mistake,” Meliorn replies, doing a little bow and leaving Simon mid-rant. 

They both look stunned for a second, and then Raphael erupts into laughter. Meliorn is truly something, he thinks.

By the time he’s quieted down, there are a few tears on the corners of his eyes, and he wipes them with abandon. When his eyes focus again, Simon is looking at him like he just witnessed the birth of a star.

“What?” Raphael asks, instantly guarded.

Simon shakes his head as if getting rid of a hallucination. “Nothing,” he answers. Then, because he knows that’s way too short not to get Raphael suspicious, “I can see why you two are attracted to each other.” 

A part of Raphael wants to ask him what he means by that. Instead, he looks at his drink and smiles. “Yeah,” he says, knowing the way his eyes are glinting.

For once, Simon isn’t the one to break the silence. He watches quietly as Raphael allows himself that moment of vulnerability, of truth. Something he’d deem unthinkable just a few years ago, before he started to actually see a family in his clan, but there he is. 

Slowly, he comes to, turning to Simon. "I’m sorry, you know,” he says. 

“For what?” 

“For everything- about how things were when we first met. For being an accomplice in Turning you. For the fights.” 

“That wasn’t your fault,” Simon answers easily, waving it away like that moment didn’t singlehandedly ruin his life. “You were the one who let me go. I know you had been working to gain Camille’s trust way too hard to let your whole plan be ruined by some random mundane. You risked enough by freeing me.” 

“I was trapped by the sunlight,” Raphael argues.

“They were leaving. You let me go and lied to Camille.” 

Raphael just huffs.

Simon sighs. “Why is it so hard for you to admit that you’re a nice guy, deep down?” he asks. Then, before Raphael can think of something to say to _that_ , “Besides, I’m the one who’s sorry. You were trying to protect your people and I almost ruined that,” Simon muses, “I put you all at risk because I was too blinded by Clary. And then myself.” 

There’s a beat of silence. Then, “I wouldn’t have actually hurt your sister, you know.” 

Raphael closes his eyes and lets the now familiar wave of- feelings - guilt and hatred and anger and despair and love and grief - wash over him. It hasn’t become less strong, not really. It’s Raphael who’s become stronger to deal with it. Rosa is the one topic he’ll always be sensitive over, the one grudge he’ll hold with the world. He promised he’d be there for his sister. He promised he wouldn’t let her suffer like he did. And then he never got to see her again.

He remembers how, when Simon sent him the picture, the first thing he felt was jealousy. Before fear, before anger, before sadness, all he could do was hate Simon because he got to be there, with her, under the sunlight, and hear her voice. 

But… “I know,” he says. Because that is also the truth. 

“I know that doesn’t make it right,” Simon is quick to amend, “I should have never- It was fucked up,” he lets out a high pitched, awkward laugh. Then, after taking a deep breath, “I guess I didn’t- I didn’t understand all that was at stake for you, at the time.”

Raphael’s laugh is humourless this time. “Well, you knew shadowhunters before you even knew other downworlders. Doesn’t surprise me that you didn’t understand,” he says, knowing that he’s being bitter, knowing that he’s not being completely fair.

But Simon just smiles sadly at him. “Yeah,” he says. “I guess it was a complicated time.”

 _When isn’t it?_. Raphael thinks of living in Mexico, poor and hungry, of him mom trying to sell enchiladas to get some food home after the death of his father. He thinks of moving to the United States, of not knowing a word of english, of shutting down and stopping to speak when he didn’t know how to say things anymore. Of people hating his language, and also the way he spoke their language. Of people hating his skin color. His accent. Of not understanding why he couldn’t greet people with a kiss on the cheek anymore. Of eating weird food. Of being made fun of for his food. Of being Turned. Of wandering the streets, crying and gripping a crucifix. Of being found. Of being thrown into a war. Of joining the clan of someone he didn’t like or trust. Of another war. Of getting his clan back after finally, finally getting rid of her. Of meeting Meliorn. Of being here.

“Yeah,” he ends up saying, “but it’s a better time now.” 

Simon smiles, looking ahead where Clary, Izzy and Maia are fighting over a game of MeliUno - regular Uno, except Meliorn gets to see everyone’s cards and gives the most cryptic possible clues of what they are, and they have to figure it out. “It is,” Simon finally agrees.

There’s silence between them. Companiable, nice. Shared, not fought.

It doesn’t last long, of course. Simon stretches out his hand. “Nice to meet you,” he says, “the version of you in nicer times.”

Raphael takes his hand, and doesn’t hide his smile. He wonders if that, too, is opening a path he can stroll into.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment if you can! concrit is welcome. i'm also on tumblr on tothetrashwhereibelong if you want to scream about raphael or magnus

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [hello my old heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22243744) by [aurora_chiroptera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurora_chiroptera/pseuds/aurora_chiroptera)




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